Dear Becky (I can’t believe that it has been so long since I called you that),
10 years of silences. That is what you thought was the punishment I deserved. That day after Isaac brought you back home, all beaten up and used up, I was shocked. But I did not know what to do. He told me that he found you on the streets. I did not know what to do but cry. I was helpless as well.
That night, after you ran away from home, Isaac told me that you are now with some guy you had met during your shift at the coffee house. I felt happy. At least you had found your way, your prince charming. I thought. Isaac also told me you married that guy according to the Jewish tradition. I was proud. I thought that in spite of all the bad upbringing and all the problems we had, I had brought up an angel. A girl who knew her God. I was happy. And Isaac told me that the boy had a decent job as well and that he can take care of you.
And that is why when 3 months after that Isaac brought you home, I did not understand what had gone wrong. I thought you were happy. I thought your husband was your prince charming. But then Isaac told me what had happened to you. He told me that your husband was a gambler and a user and that he had used you to make money. He told me how your husband had beat you up for refusing to serve his friends. How your husband had beat you up and killed the life that was growing inside you.
And you blamed me for everything. You screamed at me for spoiling your life and you called me everything a mother should not hear from her daughter. But you had every right to do so. I did not deserve anything else. I was nothing but a failure in life. I failed to keep my husband happy, because of which he decided to leave me for another woman. I failed to keep my daughter happy because of which you left me and went.
And you want to know something? I have failed in remaining a human being itself. Because today I learnt that I have no life left in me. I am dying Becky. Liver cancer. And a very weak heart. At least that is all the doctors have told me so far. But that is alright. I do not want to know of the reasons for why I am dying. Because all that is left in me is this life in my body. I have been dead for years now.
I am not writing this letter to say sorry or to say goodbyes. I have been trying to find you for a long time now. When I told Isaac about my illness he had to break his promise to you and tell me that you were now working for him. Do not blame him for this. He is but the one person I had to rely on for a long time and somewhere in those times, he became my friend. I think.
Becky, I am scared. I don’t know if I am ready to die. The idea scares me. Not the idea of dying as much as the idea of going through with all this alone. I need you back Becky. For the few days I am going to live, I need you. I cannot live like this. I am scared. Every night I feel scared to sleep. For I fear that I will die without seeing your face ever again. You are all that I have left in this world to prove that I am human. And I need you with me Becky. I am scared. Shit scared.
Please. Please come back home to mamma.
Love and kisses